GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Come on in and take your pants off
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