She said her name was "party"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
