I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize