So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
