Cold hands, warm shart.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
