my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
