Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
