I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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