you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
