i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
