Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
