dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
