When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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