Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
