if i died would you start the facebook group?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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