Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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