It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
