I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
