Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
