Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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