if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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