no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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