I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
