Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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