There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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