thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
