i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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