chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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