So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
