I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
