Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
