You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
operation have a gay friend backfired
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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