I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
