i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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