i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize