I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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