I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
