I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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