I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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