Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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