i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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