He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize