so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
