Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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