haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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