Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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