He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
