Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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