You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
