with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just threw up on my dentist
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
