turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
