i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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