wat bout pragnant strippers??
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
