she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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