it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize