I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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