i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
