His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
