Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
