I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
