I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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