i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
